Personal log... um. One?
Posted on Wed Jul 31st, 2013 @ 1:18pm by Commander Yoiko Hax
I haven't made any personal logs since the upgrade to the new system, so I guess I'll count this like the first of the current set. I think I was in the 800's before the accident.
With everything that happened this new system has heightened security and can only be accessed by myself or someone with Captain level clearance or higher. That does little to make me feel comfortable letting go of certain habits, even if it does feel weird to keep secrets from my own personal journal entries.
Admitting that is a step further than I ever took on our old system, but Jon keeps trying to tell me I need to be more trusting. I'm trying. I'm really trying, but it's hard. You spend your whole life wanting to be part of this great and glorious thing, you go through the tests and the interviews, and the moment you're the least prepared for it - BAM! Here you go. Did we forget to mention it would include any paranoias shared from the previous hosts? No? Well you'll get used to it.
Well I'm not used to it. I'm-OH SHIT, I just said that out loud! I... uh... *heavy sigh* No. No I'm not going to try to erase it. I'm proud of what I am and I don't need to worry that someone is going to dissect me if I admit I'm joined to a symbiont. It's not a "security risk" I'm not here to "steal information". I'm a member of this crew and I'm going to be the best damn engineer this ship will ever have. No, I AM the best damn engineer this ship will ever have.
*sigh* I wish I could convince Flea to transfer over. I haven't seen her since the academy. She'd know just what to say to make me stay focused and not give into three lifetimes of paranoia. I think I'm going to try writing her again before I meet the Captain for supper.
Tags: flea, symbiont, trill, paranoia, march24